I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
