I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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