Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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