I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
