Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
