Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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