At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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