Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
