Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
