i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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