I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
