i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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