I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
