I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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