i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
