Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
