Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
