when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
