So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize