Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize