what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
