So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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