Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
