I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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