You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
