Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize