sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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