Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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