now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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