11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
