Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
