some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can tuck mytits in my pants
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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