I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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