I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
