I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
