Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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