Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
