looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
