Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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