I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
