I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
