i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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