That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
