It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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