you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
