would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
