Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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