So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
pray to the hookup gods
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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