i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
