Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he shaved USA in his pubs
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize