I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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