She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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