i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
