College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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