Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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