yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She is in my trunk
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
