I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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