he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
