I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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