I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize