I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
