Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
