I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's shark week go big or go home
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
