Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
