Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
