This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
