I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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