I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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