i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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