i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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