you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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