So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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