the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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