Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
