i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
