guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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