I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
