Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
