my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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