I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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