At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
