i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
