Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
