Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
