we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
