Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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