his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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