So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We got so high we made milksteak
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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