well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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