shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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