so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
