good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
