forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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