I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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