Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
