she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
