hell yes lets make some ravioli
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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